What Do You Think?: Asking for Your Feedback on My Novel’s Blurb

tkc-blurb-feedback-banner

I’m in the middle of finishing new articles for DIY MFA and Writers Helping Writers. So I thought I’d do an “easy” post this week, and one I’ve been meaning to do for a while. Your feedback has been so helpful in the past with website changes, blogoversary celebrations, and excerpts on my YA fantasy novel The Keeper’s Curse. I’d like to ask for it again today, on a component of the novel-writing process that’s more important than we might think: the blurb.

Wondering what a blurb is? Or why it’s important for writers to start working on one before their novel is published? I’ll answer those questions briefly, then give you a chance to offer feedback on the latest blurb for TKC.

What Is a Blurb? Plus, Where You Can Find More Information on Writing One for Your Story

In the publishing realm, a blurb is a two- to four-paragraph (or 100- to 200-word) description of the story that’s designed to capture a reader’s attention and convince them to check out the book. You’ll find it on a hardcover’s jacket flap, a paperback’s back cover, and the book’s Goodreads and Amazon pages. In this way, the blurb is one of the novel’s most visible and valuable marketing tools – and if it’s written well, it can be incredibly effective, too.

Blurbs can also help writers with their stories before they reach that stage. In fact, drafting a story’s blurb allows you to identify who and what the story is about, then focus on those key components as you write. Then, once you’ve revised and revised the manuscript until it’s ready, the blurb (which you should also revise until it’s “perfect”) can act as the pitch or hook in your query letter to literary agents. So, by working on the blurb early in your story’s lifetime, you’re doing your homework in advance.

When either querying or publishing, a captivating blurb should answer the following questions without spoiling the story’s events:

  • Who is the protagonist?
  • Where and when does the story take place?
  • What is the main conflict? How is the protagonist involved in or affected by this conflict?
  • What’s at stake here? What might the protagonist have to do in order to resolve this conflict and/or achieve her story goal?

If you’d like more in-depth information about blurbs for either published novels or query letters, check out these articles:

Query Shark, Query Tracker Blog, and Chasing The Crazies are also excellent resources for writing strong blurbs and query letters.

Why I’m Asking for Your Feedback on TKC’s Blurb

As I mentioned, the blurb is a crucial part of a writer’s query letter to a literary agent. If the letter – especially the blurb – is compelling and enticing enough, the agent might request to read the respective manuscript. This is a BIG step in the right direction if you want to be traditionally published (i.e., find an agent who will represent you, then possibly get a book deal through a publishing house).

While TKC isn’t ready for querying yet, it never hurts to think ahead. In fact, the Novels and Other Stories page has featured various “drafts” of TKC’s blurb over time. But if you think writing a novel is hard, try summarizing it in two to three brief, non-spoiler-ish paragraphs. Yeah…

but-its-so-hard

I tinkered with TKC’s blurb again recently, intending to make it less wordy without compromising any discussion on stakes or conflict. But I’m not sure it’s “there” yet… and I’ve reached the point where I need help figuring out if it needs more improvement.

The good thing is, many query-advice blogs recommend that writers get feedback on their blurbs and/or query letters from people who haven’t read their manuscript. And while I want to try my luck with Query Shark soon (I swear I can already feel Janet Reid’s “shark bites”!), I also realized that I already know a host of readers who might be willing to critique it. 😉

Interested? Here’s What You Can Do…

  1. Read the blurb (formatted in block quotes) under the header below.
  2. When you’re done, share your thoughts by commenting on this post. If it helps, I’ve listed some questions you can answer as part of your feedback.
  3. Please offer constructive feedback if you respond to this. I’m interested in knowing how this blurb needs to be improved and/or how close it is to “doing its job” in catching the audience’s attention.
  4. If you’d rather share your thoughts about the blurb with me privately, you can do so via the Contact page.

Sounds good? Then here it is…

The Blurb for The Keeper’s Curse

Seventeen-year-old Eva thrives in her role in the Council of Selanaan, a group of young Fei diplomats protecting their people’s interests at home and abroad. Yet she keeps a secret: She trained to become a Councilor so she could one day kill Mountain Folk, who murdered her parents when she was five years old.

Everything changes when a band of Mountain Folk, led by the young Lord Aurek Kolsteg, enter the Fei’s forest. Their mission: to travel to the Cavern of the Keeper and retrieve artifacts that belonged to their last king. But first, they need the Fei’s help to destroy a curse inside the Cavern. To Eva’s horror, the Council is tasked to accompany the Mountain Folk – and she, as chief translator and navigator, must lead the way.

The journey will be perilous. To succeed, Eva must guide her travel party through untamed forests and grasslands, and elude the shadow demons that can possess one’s mind. But the greatest dangers threaten the party’s alliance from within – and through it all, Eva will have to confront her own darkness. Can she let go of her past in so she can help Aurek and his men? Or will she risk her place on the Council, her Fei identity, and her life for the sake of revenge?

EDIT – 1/18/2017: I’ve already revised the blurb based on initial comments. Visit Novels and Other Stories if you’d like to compare it to the previous version.

My Questions Regarding the Blurb

  1. Does the blurb grab your attention? Is it convincing enough that it makes you want to read the story?
  2. Based on what you’ve read, who is the protagonist? What appears to be the main conflict?
  3. Does the blurb seem too long or wordy? Or do you think the length is fine?
  4. Does the blurb make it clear that the story is a YA fantasy?
  5. What other thoughts do you have about the blurb?

Again, if you’d like to offer feedback, feel free to do so in your comments on this post. Any feedback that can further improve the blurb will be gladly welcome.

Have you written your WIP’s blurb yet? How challenging did you find it to “summarize” and tease your story in just a couple paragraphs? What advice and/or blogs helped you revise or strengthen the blurb to its current version?

41 thoughts on “What Do You Think?: Asking for Your Feedback on My Novel’s Blurb

  1. Looks good, Sara! I think on the whole you’ve satisfied the points you wanted covered, i.e. the protagonist is obvious, it’s clear it’s YA, the conflict is well laid out and the length is fine, etc. I would probably add more context to the first paragraph, which reads a little too candid to me. How does becoming a councilor fit in her plans to kill Mountain People?

    Like

    • Thanks, Mogsy! You and some of the other commentors made a good point about the first paragraph. It didn’t evoke enough conflict or explain why she’s waited to kill Mountain Folk because of her Council position. So I reorganized and reworded that paragraph, and made some changes to the other two paragraphs as well.

      If you want, you can check out the revised blurb at the Novels and Other Stories page (https://saraletourneauwriter.com/writing-projects/novels/) and let me know if you think it’s an improvement.

      Like

  2. Goodness, Sara, sorry I didn’t reply to your link when you sent it. When I saw this title on my feed I felt horribly.

    Mhm… so, I think the blurb does the job. The story is clear, there is a conflict, but I think it could be tighter and so probably more intense. Because I get the sense that you’re putting too much in it, when you could just focus on the main conflict and make the blurb stronger.

    1.Does the blurb grab your attention? Is it convincing enough that it makes you want to read the story?
    What I like the most about this blurb is Eva’s inner conflict, but I don’t think it comes out strong enough. If she wanted to be a Councelor to get her revange, why would she pause when she gets a chance? The fact that she arbours the wish means – to me – that if the occasions presents itself (as it does) she would take it, regardless of what would happen to her position as Councelor. Basically, I’m not clear what stays her.

    2. Based on what you’ve read, who is the protagonist? What appears to be the main conflict?
    I think the protagonist is Eva, because she’s the one with the main conflict to solve.

    3. Does the blurb seem too long or wordy? Or do you think the length is fine?
    I do have a feeling it is too long, and not only because is a bit wordy. I think you should trim down the actual elements and concentrate only on the main conflic. Is the conflich with the Counsil or with Aurek?

    4. Does the blurb make it clear that the story is a YA fantasy?
    From the blurb, I wouldn’t have said it is YA. The theme as it comes out is very mature (revange) and there’s nothing in the blurb that makes me think it will be treated as a YA theme.

    I hope this will help. I’m terrible with blurbs (mine is a mess although I have worked at it for over 2 years), but sometimes I can help others 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • No worries, Sarah. You read it now – and I really appreciate the feedback you gave. 🙂

      You’re right that the blurb needed to evoke a stronger “intensity” or sense of conflict. Leanne and Heather made similar remarks in their comments. Many of the necessary pieces were there – they just needed to be reworked and reorganized. You also made a good point about clarifying what keeps her from simply going off and killing Mountain Folk – and she has a reason, so I incorporated that as well.

      So… yes, I’ve already revised the blurb because of your comment and others. (*blushes*) And I managed to cut more words from it, too. If you’d like, you can take another look at it at the Novels and Other Stories page (https://saraletourneauwriter.com/writing-projects/novels/) and let me know what you think.

      “I’m terrible with blurbs (mine is a mess although I have worked at it for over 2 years), but sometimes I can help others.”

      I’m of the mind that we have a harder time describing our own stories than describing other people’s stories. So believe me, I can relate. 😉

      Thanks again for taking a look at this, Sarah!

      Like

  3. I agree with jazzfeathers, in that it needs tightening. The first paragraph delves into background information that doesn’t pull in the reader, and a potential reader could put down the book before getting to the good parts (and there are some really good parts). Now the third paragraph, that’s the star of the show. It’s exciting, intense, and grabs the reader’s attention.

    I would start out with this:
    A curse in the Cavern of the Keeper forces seventeen-year-old Eva to assist the men responsible for her parents’ death. Eva must guide her travel party through untamed forests and grasslands, and elude mind-controlling shadow demons to retrieve relics of their former king . But the greatest dangers threaten the party’s alliance from within – and through it all, Eva will have to confront her own darkness. Can she let go of her past so she can help the leader of her enemy Lord Aurek and his men? Or will she risk her place on the Council, her Fei identity, and her life for the sake of revenge?

    Then filter in some additional info from the second paragraph. The last question won’t make much sense without some more information, so it may need to be added, or the last question altered.

    This sounds like an interesting book, Sara. Good job tackling the difficult blurb.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This blurb is making me excited to beta-read! I just finished a book I had to read for book club, so now I’m diving in to TKC. It was nice to read this synopsis to get me even more energized.

    In the first paragraph, I would get to the training/killing part quicker. As in, sentence one: “Seventeen year-old Eva wants to kill the Mountainfolk.” A first sentence like this would raise multiple intriguing questions that would make the reader want to continue: Why does she want to kill them? Who are the Mountainfolk? Who is Eva? You can answer those in the following sentences, but the first sentence is where the hook should be. The way the blurb is currently written, the hook is at the end of the first paragraph. Make the big statement first, explain it afterward!

    Love all the info, just think some reorganizing would make it stronger!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Holy goodness gracious, all these great comments! I’ve been scanning them as they’ve come in, but I didn’t want to respond until I had a moment to rework the blurb some more.

      It’s funny you mentioned to start with the “killing Mountain Folk” bit. I’ve been reluctant to do that, even though it’s considered the hook, like Heather said in her comment. But based on readers’ responses so far, it’s clear that I need to move it up sooner.

      Speaking of which… if you have a moment, let me know what you think of this revised first paragraph:

      “Seventeen-year-old Eva wants to kill Mountain Folk. Ever since a clan of them killed her parents and injured her wing years ago, the Fei girl has hated that race of rugged warriors and gem-healers. Yet Eva’s desire clashes with her diplomatic duties for her people’s Council of Selanaan. And so she keeps it secret, hoping her chance will come one day.”

      If you’d prefer to read the entire revised blurb, you can find it here: https://saraletourneauwriter.com/writing-projects/novels/

      Thanks so much for your feedback, Leanne!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Leanne and Sarah said it best! I agree with everything they said, but I must reiterate that the first line should be a hook sentence. I too felt that the first few sentences were kinda like backstory, and just the way you shouldn’t front load a bunch of backstory in your novel, you shouldn’t pad your blurb with set up. That first sentence needs to be CONFLICT.
    One more thing, I’d suggest making things more personal. Right now Eva’s goal seems detached – kill the Mountain People and survive the difficult terrain. However, I suspect that Eva develops a personal connection with at least one of the Mountain People and that is what makes her struggle between killing them or not. So give the reader a taste of that.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks, Heather! I was just responding to Leanne’s comment, and mentioned how reluctant I’ve been to lead off with the “killing Mountain Folk” bit. But you’re both right: That sentence is the hook, so it needs to come sooner.

      You also made a good point about adding a more “personal touch” to the blurb. Because, yes, Eva does grow close with a couple of her Mountain Folk companions (Aurek in particular) during their journey. This ends up making things more complicated and messy come time for her “Dark Night of the Soul,” too. So it’s

      I’ve already revised the blurb based on your comments as well as Leanne’s, Sarah’s, and Mogsy’s. If you have a moment, take a look at the Novels and Other Stories page (https://saraletourneauwriter.com/writing-projects/novels/) and let me know if you think it’s an improvement.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Hello Sara. I think your original blurb did the job, but your revision is even better. I took it as YA based largely on Eva’s age, which tells us this is a society where teenagers can hold high ranks. Your original blurb possibly reinforced that by describing Eva’s Council colleagues and Lord Aurek as ‘young’. It also suggested Eva joined the Council to ultimately kill Mountain Folk, that is she became a diplomat to kill foreigners!

    I describe my WIP as YA also based on my protagonist’s age, even though most of the other character’s are older. One has lived for centuries!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, John! I’m glad you think the revised blurb (not the original one listed here) is an improvement. 🙂

      You commented on the original’s repeated use of “young”… I guess I thought it was needed in order to stress that the story was YA. But after the early comments came in, I realized I’d have to “let go” of certain words to make the blurb more concise. (In other words, the repeated use of “young” was probably overkill.) As long as it says Eva’s age upfront, most people would assume (accurately) that it’s a YA fantasy. That should be enough.

      “It also suggested Eva joined the Council to ultimately kill Mountain Folk, that is she became a diplomat to kill foreigners!”

      😄 And in theory, no, she didn’t. She’s definitely not killing every foreigner she meets, especially since there are other races in her world besides Fei and Mountain Folk. 😉 So I’m glad the revised blurb clarified this was not the case!

      I don’t know much about your story, but based on what you said here, I agree that it sounds like it could be a fit for YA. You typically find adult / older characters in YA novels, though in general the cast skews lower in age on average. That’s the case with TKC, too.Most of the core cast members are in their teens or early twenties. Others are older, and the youngest is 10 years old.

      Liked by 1 person

      • People argue about definitions, but I agree that a central teenage protagonist does point towards YA, even if other characters are older, particularly when the story is told by or from the POV of the teenage protagonist and informed by teenage sensibilities. A running joke in my WIP is that my teenage protagonist/observer/narrator behaves more maturely that the adults around him at times.

        And yes, we do sometimes have to let details go to avoid overstuffing a blurb.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. I think it does the job, but could use some tightening as the other commenters suggested so well. What stuck out to me was the “Everything changes” starting the second para…it sounds a bit cliche and can be easily eliminated by rewording to simply describe the changes (which you do later in the para).

    Looking forward to reading TKR!

    Liked by 1 person

    • What if I edited “Everything changes…” to one of these below? Does either tighten things up further and sound less cliched?

      – “One day, a band of Mountain Folk enters the Fei’s forest.”
      – “Then a band of Mountain Folk enters the Fei’s forest.”

      I also made other edits based on the early comments yesterday. If you’d like to take another look, it’s on this page: https://saraletourneauwriter.com/writing-projects/novels/

      Thanks for your feedback, Mei-Mei!

      Like

      • Yes, either works; I happen to like the second better. You could also transition to that paragraph with something about how she thinks her chance may have come now or something.
        I like the changes! Third para is much stronger now.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Hi Sarah – I’ve fallen behind with my emails due to several crazy/busy days when my son suddenly needed my help with audition tapes… I’ve read the blurb with interest and my stance as a reader who LOATHES spoilers is that you include the first main conflict point in your blurb, which will leach the element of surprise for your reader. For what it’s worth, I’m aware this is a matter of taste and I realise that I am probably right on the outer edge as I regularly grind my teeth at the chatty nature of blurbs, these days. But I still feel it’s a shame that your readers will know about the sudden appearance of the Mountain Folk and Eva’s dilemma before they even open the book.

    Other than that, I think your edits have nicely tightened up the prose and have produced a smoother, punchier teaser to the book:).

    Liked by 2 people

    • And I’ve fallen behind on responding to comments, so please don’t feel bad, Sarah.

      As for your blurb comments: I remember that you tend to cut off the blurbs in your book reviews because you think they give away too much, so I was curious to see what you’d think of TKC’s. The thing is, if you don’t tease some of the story’s important aspects, how can you hook a potential reader’s interest? Most blurbs are like that now, too; and while I don’t necessarily agree that they spoil the story, I do think that they tell you enough of what to expect so you can make an informed decision about whether you want to read it.

      That being said, the blurb for TKC doesn’t give away everything. Some cards can’t be shown until the reader actually reads the whole story. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m aware that I am in a minority, so maybe it would be better to disregard my views. As a reader I LOATHE it when that first crisis point is flagged in the blurb – the author intended it as a surprise, which is then completely compromised when I find myself waiting for it, thus skewing my whole reaction to the first quarter of the book – always vital when bonding to a book. It’s why I rarely, if ever, read blurbs these days. So many have spoilt books for me!

        Liked by 1 person

  9. From what I’ve read of the blurb at this point, I really like it. One thing I would clarify is what fei are. I know, but some people don’t. But you really hit the best points of a blurb here. I’m doing a post on how movie trailers can help you write blurbs/back cover copies the first Saturday of next month, so this is super timely. You’ve got the main character, her age, the setting, the conflict, the goals, the uniqueness. Lots of goods stuff for you here. And I’m being completely honest, because if I didn’t really like your blurb I wouldn’t be this detailed in my compliments. 😄 Great job!

    storitorigrace.blogspot.com

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Oh man, you linked a lot of great query/blurb posts. I can’t want to dig into all that in the upcoming months. My blurb is, well, I’ll just say it’s better than what it used to bed.
    I really like yours! I like the pull on that she wants to kill the mountain folk but now she’s stuck guiding them. It does grab me as a fantasy, although maybe an adult or older YA. I also usually have a hard time with fantasy–or any book–that has lots of title names of different sorts of people, places, groups, etc. But that’s just me and my not-too-quick to grab onto things mind. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • *lol* I totally understand that fantasy isn’t for everyone, so no worries. But I’m glad you liked the blurb nonetheless! And yeah, I did write it as more of a mature YA fantasy. (I think a lot of YA fantasy these days tends to lean toward mature, tbh.) So thanks for sharing your thoughts on it, and enjoy sinking your teeth into the blurb & query posts when the time comes. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Sjhigbee makes an interesting point about spoilers. I think some spoiling is inevitable in blurbs, ads and trailers for books and movies. One answer is what I call ‘Willing Suspension of Foreknowledge” where we pretend we don’t know something we do know. For example, much of the first hour of the first JURASSIC PARK movie pretends that we don’t know it’s all about dinosaurs and delays their first appearance as long as possible. I doubt ANYBODY ever went to JURASSIC PARK not knowing it is all about dinosaurs. In short I don’t think all spoilers spoil the fun, though some can.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Agreed. Everyone has different opinions about how “spoiler-ish” a spoiler can be, but blurbs and advertisements need to share some pertinent in order to help readers / viewers / potential audiences make an informed decision about the product. In my opinion, a good blurb grabs the reader’s attention by doing the above and without giving away plot twists or the ending. A couple books I’ve read lately actually give away the ending in the blurb… which irritates me, but I’ll stop there.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I love all the discussion here, and I’m so happy for Sara that she has so many blog friends who care enough about TKC to get passionate about the blurb! That’s all-around wonderful!
    I like the revision, Sara. I’d agree that clarifying what “Fei” are is important too. “Mountain folk” is clear enough for a blurb, but “Fei” without a clarifier would just make someone go, “Huh?”
    I also don’t think the blurb contains spoilers. It’s about Eva’s motivation, not the result of the journey, and all of that is clear within the first chapter (using inside knowledge here 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love it, too. And I already know that the feedback that’s come in has been incredibly helpful, so I’m grateful for the responses (including yours, Leanne). ❤

      I'll see what I can add about the Fei in the first paragraph. I don't want to verge into "too wordy" territory again, but I do want things to be clear.

      And like I said in a couple other comments, I don't think the blurb spoils much, either. It offers the necessary hints to set up the story and introduce Eva and the external / internal conflict she'll face during the story. As for any plot twists and the ending… well, people will have to read it to find out those things. 😉

      Thanks again, Leanne!

      Like

  13. Oh boy Sara am I late replying to this one ;P
    Looking at everyone’s replies to your blurb there’s not much that I can add, but I do want to say that is intriguing me profusely and I can’t wait to read this novella!
    Best of luck, my dear. Next time I’ll try to be quicker to respond!
    Have a beautiful week 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Gosh, I thought I had commented on this… But I’ve had to let all things blogging-related slide for the past week due to traveling out-of-state and busyness at work. So it’s been easy to lose track of things lately…

      Anyways, thanks very much for reading the revised blurb and giving it a thumbs-up! I’ve gotten more comments over the past few days, so once I have some time I’m going to look it over again and possibly make more changes. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  14. I just finished reading your newly revised blurb on your Novels page, and it’s much better than the one posted here. Well done!
    I do have a few things to mention:
    The first sentence, or “hook”, feels…off to me. If I skim read it, I would automatically think “Wow, this Eva has anger issues! All she wants to do is kill.” But if you combined it with the following sentence, it would show us that Eva has a reason for her anger:
    “Seventeen-year-old Eva wants to kill Mountain Folk, ever since a clan of them killed her parents and injured her wing years ago.” —That gives us an explanation right away, instead of stopping us at “she wants to kill Mountain Folk.”
    Also, and I’m sure you know this, but for the actual book cover the blurb would have to be shorter. I think it’s fine for a query letter, though.

    Blurbs, ohmygoodness, I’ve had quite a time changing, tweaking, rewriting, and then tweaking mine again and again! 🙂 In fact, soon I will have to do just that, as I’ve made many changes to my novel based on beta reader feedback. (Blurbs are as difficult to write as the novel itself is!) 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, E.! I still have more changes to incorporate, so the revised blurb will be revised again soon.

      Ha ha, well, Eva does have anger issues anyways… but you made a good point about the first sentence. I’ll definitely take that suggestion into consideration.

      “Blurbs are as difficult to write as the novel itself is!”

      I actually think blurbs are MORE difficult to write. 😄 It’s probably because I have trouble with concision, but I know what you mean. Summarizing the story without giving away spoilers and being too wordy is a real challenge.

      How did beta-readings for Strayborn go, btw? How much revising / editing are you planning on doing based on their feedback?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Haha, love Eva! 😄
        Concision, and summarizing the story without spoilers–yes, that’s it exactly! Soon, I’ll have to rewrite my blurb (again) and see what people think. I put it away so I could view it with “fresh eyes” later.
        The beta readings were very helpful, and pointed out the areas I need to work on. I’ve been working at it since January and am really taking my time. I’ve made needed changes to the plot, and now the story flows much better. I’m almost halfway through Strayborn, so…we’ll see how revising the second half goes! *fingers crossed* Thanks for asking. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  15. I’m hopelessly late on commenting on this one, sorry. Hmm, not sure what I can add to whatever has already been said. I do like the revised one best – I’d definitely pick up the book based on that blurb. It does sound like a YA fantasy through and through. Good luck with further revisions, if you’re planning more. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • No worries, Nandini. I’m glad that you thought the newer version was an improvement over the previous one. And I do need to incorporate the second round of feedback I received on the blurb. I just haven’t made time for it yet. (The Novella was my priority over the weekend. *wink*)

      Liked by 1 person

  16. I know it’s been “ages” since you’ve posted it, but I thought I’ll still share my insight.

    I felt the blurb was quite wordy. For example, I don’t feel you really need “at home and abroad” in the first sentence (it’s really not that important), especially that it’s the second sentence that really contains the hook. 🙂 I’d almost play around to see if you can include it in the first sentence or move it around.
    Same goes with the second paragraph: the most important/exciting/interesting part is at the end, but it’s dulled by the information before that. Suggestion to shorten it it (I’m sure you’ll word it better): “Everything changes when a band of Mountain Folk, led by the young Lord Aurek Kolsteg, enter the Fei’s forest. They want to retrieve the last king’s artifact from the Cavern of the Keeper, but need the Fei’s help to destroy a curse inside the Cavern.
    Third paragraph begins with a very generic sentence. I’d delete “The journey will be perilous.” (along with “to succeed”) and get to the juice, because the rest is very nice. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • So sorry for the delay in responding, Joanna. Life has been busier / crazier than usual as of late. :/

      I’ve actually revised the blurb since the version you see in this post went live. The latest version is at the Novels and Other Stories page (https://saraletourneauwriter.com/writing-projects/novels/), but I have more changes to incorporate into that one as well.

      But, to respond to your comments – yes, the version you read was definitely too wordy, and the hook sentence needed to be moved up sooner. The first sentence in Paragraph #2 needs editing as well; and so did Paragraph #3. Again, I think the revised blurb takes care of some of that, but I want to edit it again soon to incorporate other suggestions that people have had since the first round of edits.

      Thanks for your help! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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