(Look for this week’s #ThursdayThoughtfulness questions after the jump.)
This Week’s Questions: Do you often worry or become emotional over things that are out of your control? What is one thing you can do today that can help you focus on the things you can control (emotions, reactions, etc.) rather than the things that are not? If you’ve already learned how to do this, what advice would you share with others who are still struggling?
Follow #ThursdayThoughtfulness at the blog on select Thursdays. Feel free to spread the thoughtfulness by reblogging this post, writing your own post on this topic, or sharing the quote image on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.
Sara Letourneau 
My shortcut for this is using the word “Accept,” as a sort of mantra when I start spiraling emotionally. I made it my word of the year a few years ago, and it was amazing how helpful it was in reminding myself to accept the things I couldn’t control. It calms me down and refocuses my mind in a positive direction. Kind of like a Serenity Prayer shortcode.
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I love this. I feel like it would have been a useful tool for combatting the anxiety I experienced earlier this year, when I was hyperfocusing on things that were out of my control. Glad to hear it worked for you, Leanne. 🙂
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I get more emotionally invested in things than other people, and I worry relentlessly about things that are out of my control, specifically because there’s nothing I can do other than worry. I can’t say I’m the best at finding ways around this, but when I am successful at it, it usually involves redirecting my focus to something that I can control. For example, I can’t control if a story will be accepted by a literary magazine, but I can control putting that anxiety aside and focus on writing and editing it, and I can also control the submission of the story. After that, I can’t control the outcome, but I think worrying about the outcome too early in the process can interfere with the completion of that project. And of course, essential oils and calming tea can sometimes aid in reducing the anxiety so that I can move forward.
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You sound a lot like me, Mandie. I can get emotionally wrapped up in things too, so sometimes it’s difficult (even impossible) for me to not worry about them. It’s one of the reasons why I’ve experienced so much anxiety this year (hence, the main reason why I wanted to feature this quote). I think I’m getting better at it, because like you I’m finding ways of calming myself and turning my focus to things I can control. So I’m glad you’re finding your way to inner peace and taking active steps to achieve it, Mandie. 🙂
Just curious, but do you find certain types of music relaxing as well?
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I’ve found that melancholic music works best for me when I’m writing. I’m not sure that’s a good thing to be honest, but it works for me regardless of what I’m writing. Even when I write horror, I find that it’s not distracting and somehow works with the mood in my pieces. I’d like to think that it helps get certain emotions out so I can leave them on the page, but it could just as easily be perpetuating them. It helps me focus though on the writing instead of the other things vying for attention in my head, so in a way it is calming.
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If it works for you, then that’s all that matters. 😉
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Oh yes! As I’ve grown older, I’ve got better at coping with this tic of mine – but every now and then I want to bash my head against the wall because the thing jabbing at my soft spots is beyond my control… How do I deal with it? Take a deep breath, get a grip and recall that NOTHING in Life is within our control, except our own reaction to how we deal with it:).
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This is a phrase that I unfortunately can’t apply to my life. I’ve tried but it doesn’t work. Often when someone or something really and truly upsets me it triggers my anxiety or my depression which are when my emotions go completely out of my control. The best thing I can do is manage my emotions as in they have to run their course but I don’t let go of the reins, if that makes sense. But my mental health doesn’t allow me to have complete control over my emotions, so I can’t make myself feel or not feel a certain way.
storitorigrace.blogspot.com
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That’s understandable, Tori. I have a hard time with reining in my emotions sometimes, too, especially when I’m experiencing anxiety. So I’m fully aware that some people might have difficulty relating to this quote.
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I’m Polish, so I worry ALL THE TIME. 😉
At the same time, I worry about the future, about the outcome of things or possible obstacles. I stopped worrying about what other people think about me or whether they even like me. These are things I can’t really “control” or affect in a meaningful way, so why would I care? And the less I care about what others think, the happier I become.
Of course, it’s harder when it comes to writing, since we get “judged” on how we put words together, but there’s a difference between accepting meaningful feedback from a beta reader or editor, and letting go of a nasty review by someone who doesn’t even like the genre.
I have no real advice except trying to be self-conscious. It’s ok to react to something as long as we understand it is a reaction, it is emotional, and it might not be logical or even “valid” from another person’s point of view. This is the first step to be able to make a conscious decision whether we want to act on the feeling we feel or just let it pass. The more understanding, the bigger the chance we’ll be just willing to let it go.
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